Le crinqué

J'ai écrit un billet mercredi dernier sur le Mondial de football/soccer. Et depuis, il y a un commentateur anonyme qui a écrit non pas un mais trois messages me disant plus ou moins à quel point j'étais dans les patates. Trois commentaires, tous le 15 mai, à quelques minutes d'intervalle. Je trouve ça un peu fort de café, mettons. Si je me cherchais une raison de plus pour ne pas aimer le football/soccer, en voilà une: les fans sont parfois un peu trop crinqués. Mais bon, je savais déjà, alors ce n'est qu'un rappel.

Pourquoi je n'aime pas le football/soccer

Vous savez que je n'aime pas le football/soccer. Parce que je trouve que c'est un sport plate, un sport qui parfois et un peu trop souvent en est un de petites brutes et de bullies, pour pleins d'autres raisons, mais surtout je trouve ça plate. Mais il y a aussi ça: la FIFA est une organisation trop gourmande et un peu escroc. Lire cette chronique de Patrick Lagacé datant d'avril pour vous en convaincre, de toutes les exigences demandées aux gouvernements pour permettre aux villes de recevoir le Mondial. Voir aussi ce reportage de Rad Can. C'est assez damnant. Comme le disait le regretté maire l'Allier, c'est socialiser les dépenses pour privatiser les profits. Je suis vraiment content, je dirais même soulagé, que Montréal ne reçoive pas d'équipes lors de la Coupe du Monde 2026.

Quino et le football

 J'ai trouvé ce gag sur la page Facebook officielle de Mafalda, parce que Quino n'a pas fait que dessiner des bédés pour et sur des enfants. Il faisait aussi dans l'humour absurde et parfois un brin cruel. Mais j'ai trouvé ça très drôle, même sije ne sais pas trop pourquoi je trouve ça hilarant. Peut-être que c'est parce que je trouve le football tout aussi absurde (et un brin stupide, avouons-le).

Football Birthday Cake

 This weekend, Wolfie and I went to the birthday party of one of his friends. Wolfie's mummy was at one of her friends' hen due. So we spent a day between men. The birthday boy is one of Wolfie' closest friends, his family is a very nice and we get along with them. There was only one problem: the birthday party's theme was football. And Wolfie hates football, he finds it utterly boring (very un English of him, I know). He did enjoy the party in the end, but it was hit and miss and he spent most of his time playing zombies with other kids who were not into football, then kicking the ball just for fun. That said, he did enjoy the birthday cake, which I think was pretty cleverly designed. One football for each kid, the cake itself being a field. Nice isn't it?

Table Football

I went to the office last week, as you know. And surprise surprise, there was in one of the common room a table football. Or, as we call it where I come from, babyfoot. My bros also called it foosball, I think that latter term comes from Friends. In the city where I come from, here was a bar that had one just like that and it was quite popular to its customers, far more than the sport. I never cared about it much: it find it rather slow and clunky, with little possibility of movement. And I'm rubbish at it. Even for table games, I prefer table hockey. You know, the proper stuff. That said, it does make for a friendlier office.

The football at the door

You must all know the news now, that England lost to Italy in the final game of Euro 2020. I don't follow football, I never managed to enjoy watching it, so I did not care much, but it created a lot of hope and enthusiasm around here, including in this household (my wife only watches football when England is playing) and in the end, disappointment. I could even say sorrow. But I have a little anecdote about it: when we got out for our daily walk on Sunday, there was this football in our front garden. I took it as a good omen: it's coming home, so to speak. Probably a neighbour thought it belonged to Wolfie, instead of the little boy a bit older than him who lives a few doors away and tend to leave his toys in communal area. I kicked it away by the net that was nearby. When England lost, my wife said I should have brought it in so it could work its magic. Oh well, maybe next time.

How to bluff your way about football

This weekend, we went to a car dealershipbecause my wife needs to buy a new car. The salesman was chic chatting with us, asked me what line of work I was in and he got very impressed when I told him. Without giving any details, it is true that the title and the industry I am in sounds quite impressive. So I could see he was impressed and at some point the conversation switched to football, because it is Euro 2021. I know nothing about football and care even less. But I started talking to the guy as if I knew something about it, saying in an assertive tone that the English team needs to stay focused and disciplined and they should do fine, that I think the French team has the best chances to win, and so on and so forth. It is the tone that matters, and the fact that I talked without hesitation. And maybe, the idea he had that I was a man with a big title and a big job. The salesman was literally drinking my words as if I was a football expert. That was quite funny.

La Coupe et les pots-de-vin

J'aimerais parler brièvement d'un scandale sportif, à propos d'un sport que je n'ai jamais réussi à aimer. Surprise, surprise, la FIFA est accusée d'avoir reçu des pots-de-vin pour les Coupes du monde de soccer/football de 2018 et 2022. Calembour atroce que j'ai commis en lisant ça: la Coupe a reçu des pots-de-vin. Aussi: on a versé des pots-de-vin dans la Coupe. Je sais, je sais, c'est épouvantable. Je me demande d'ailleurs combien de calembours atroces on peut créer autour de ce scandale.

Waka Waka

Well, I am a tad tired of talking about you know what, so let's have some fun today with a bit of music. I am not particularly fan of Shakira, or any pop singer in general, but there are a few songs of her I do like. Among them, there is Waka Waka, which she sang ten years ago for the World Cup in South Africa. I don't know why, but I got it in the head recently and started listening to it. I decided to share it with Wolfie, not only the song, but the whole videoclip, and he really, really, really enjoyed it. Might be because, like so many boys growing up, he has an almost natural affinity with football. It might also be because one of his grandfathers, his daddad, is South African. Which I explained to him when we watched the videoclip together. Yes, it must be one or the other, or both. Can't think of any other reason. Can you?

Petit loup et le ballon rond

Nous sommes allés récemment dans un évènement caritatif. Il y avait des stands et une aire de jeux pour les enfants. Les enfants n'y étaient pas, trop occupés je crois dans le château gonflable plus loin, alors notre petit loup a eu l'aire de jeux pour lui tout seul. Il a aimé bien des choses, mais il changeait de centre d'intérêt à tout bout de champ. Ce qui m'a étonné le plus, c'est que ce qui l'a intéressé le plus longtemps est ce genre de filet fermé avec des ballons de soccer. Ou de football, comme on le dit ici. Je ne suis pas très porté sur le foot, une vraie religion en Angleterre. Il semblerait que notre petit loup va suivre le sentiment national.

Bon ben allez les Bleus

Juste quand je commençais à m'intéresser (un peu) au Mondial, l'Angleterre se fait éliminer. Je dis ça et je n'ai même pas regardé le match. Mais en principe, je prenais pour l'Angleterre, même si le football me laisse profondément indifférent d'habitude. Je crois que je vais voir des visages longs aujourd'hui. Je ne crois pas regarder la finale, mais pour le principe et parce que ce sont "les cousins": allez les Bleus. Quand même, on manque une finale qui aurait été historique. Bon, ce n'aurait pas été Waterloo, mais quand même...

It's coming home

Today, England's football team won against Sweden, which means they are going into the semi-finals of the World Cup. I did not watch, as I don't like football. That said, I cannot help but feel a tingle of excitement about what's happening. It is a surprise to myself. I say I don't like football, a more accurate description would be that it bores me to tears. I always felt indifferent towards it and England has been rubbish for decades, which did not help it one bit: why should I care what happens if my country of adoption can't win at the sport she invented? The only thing I could do is tease my wife. This year it's different: England is actually good, they are is actually winning, they have a fair shot at becoming champions. I cannot tease my wife anymore. And I have a young child, far too young to be interested about football, but who likely will when he will be older. Add to this that my godson is a huge football fan and is following the World Cup religiously. So I'm happy for all of them and all that World Cup nonsense is getting to me... A bit. Not enough to watch a game, but enough to just be glad of the score. So anyway, I decided to share this song I heard today, from a band I had never heard of before. It's called Three Lions, from The Lightning Seeds. But it is better known for its lyric "It's coming home". It's kinda catchy.

Football and me

It is the World Cup. The problem is: football/soccer bores me to tears. I tried to like it, tried to follow a game here and there, every time I just got bored. Like, really bored. The hysteria people have here for the sport (and it won't get any better: England won yesterday) just baffles me. I say this and now I must be careful about what I say about football on social medias: my godson is a big fan and a talented football player in his own right. I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, if he'd learned that his godfather ("the best in the whole world") is really not into it. Like I said to my wife last night: "Football is just not interesting if my godson does not play." Which I think deserves to be a great unknown line. I did saw him play, back in 2016. He was really disappointed: he'd lost that game, while he had won the previous one and had made two goals. I hope to see him play again one day, and see him win this time. But until then, I cannot wait for the World Cup to be over.

Le football/soccer, mon filleul et moi

Je vais avec ce billet parler de résultats sportifs, ce qui est une rareté sur ce blogue. Le sport ne m'intéresse guère et le football/soccer peut-être moins que tous les autres. Mais voilà: mon filleul est un mordu du football/soccer et il joue dans une équipe junior. Ce qui veut dire que depuis qu'il a commencé et pour la première fois de ma vie, je dois m'intéresser au football. En tout cas, je fais un point d'honneur à m'intéresser à son équipe et les match que mon filleul dispute. Or, j'ai appris hier qu'ils ont gagné la médaille d'or d'un tournois. Je suis très fier de lui. Je l'ai vu jouer une fois dans ma vie, malheureusement et pour son plus grand chagrin il avait perdu (devant son parrain, il était inconsolable). J'aurais vraiment voulu être au match d'hier pour partager son triomphe. Peut-être une autre année. En tout cas, je suis fier de lui.

Le calvaire qui achève

C'est le dernier match de soccer du Mondial, Allemagne contre Argentine. Mon calvaire achève. Je déteste le football/soccer. Je veux dire: je déteste vraiment. C'est plate. Pour reprendre une comparaison biblique (enfin je crois, à tout le moins une comparaison religieuse), ça rend l'homme semblable à la bête, que ce soit le joueur ou le partisan. Alors je suis heureux qu'on va bientôt avoir la paix pour quatre ans. En ce qui concerne le football/soccer mondial, en tout cas.

Football in a nutshell

The World Cup is going on right now, as every single person on the planet knows, whether they love football or not. I happen to dislike it, I find the sport boring, slow and I find that here in England it brings the worst of people. So I am glad to know that England is eliminated now, even though they have one game left. I said on Facebook and at work something that sums up football for me: "Football is also called soccer, because it sucks." I think it deserves to be a great unknown line. My brother PJ had a few great ones as well about football, I might put them one day here, however I want to blog about football/soccer only a little. I don't want to spend more time on it than necessary.

That said, I was happily surprised when I discovered that not everyone is a football fan in this country. My manager and the other colleague in my small team at work both dislike football and avoid it like the plague it is. It is always good to know. I have also seen at least one pub advertising itself as a "football free zone" in my town. So I am not alone. it is always good to know.

Le calvaire du football

Je fais une confession ici: j'exècre le football/soccer au plus haut point. Je trouve que c'est un sport lent, plate, avec des joueurs vulgaires, qui ici fait sortir tout ce qu'il y a de barbare, de sauvage, de stupide et de désagréable chez les peuple d'Europe et d'ailleurs sur la planète. Ici, en tout cas, le football, c'est laid. Et là c'est le Mondial. Alors on en a pour trois semaines. Je risque de trouver le temps long parfois... Un long calvaire.

A new (old) great unknown line

I am not inspired much tonight. Maybe it's Monday, well, it obviously is Monday, but I mean maybe it is because it is Monday. but stay tuned, I will soon have some interesting things to say. I hope. But now, I decided to blog a great unknown line I heard recently. I was waiting for a night without inspiration to write it on the blog. And I need to warn my readerships now: I know I often blog about sandwiches, but this is a great unknown line that was triggered because of sandwiches.Great unknown lines are often about food.

So I was at my desk at work a few weeks ago and a colleague came back from Waitrose or Sainsbury's with her lunch, there was some cheap sandwich and she was mentioning how poor quality were the sandwiches you buy in supermarkets. My manager said: "you should trust the English to make good sandwiches, we invented them." Which is true. And then another colleague (Welsh), said the great unknown line: "The English invented football and tennis, it doesn't mean they are good at it." The whole room started laughing. I don't follow either football or tennis, but even I can appreciate it. And like this one, it can work for every nation, you just need to change the invention.

Enjoying not being part of it

I will start this post by a great unknown line. Last Wednesday, I went to a meeting at work. The person holding it told me: "So you are not into football". Stupidly I asked why: England was of course playing, which I had barely noticed. I was the only invited person who attended the meeting.

Today England played again, and lost, but I barely watch the game. If it wasn't for my wife being disappointed, I would not have cared at all about the game. I went in the garden instead, put down the picnic towel we had bought earlier on and I read. It was (and is still) the hottest day of the year, everything was silent outside but for the far away background noise of TVs. The town was otherwise so quiet I could have been the only living person here. I was alone, an outsider, not being part of that moment and not caring one bit.

Question existentielle (9)

Ma femme regarde le football, enfin le Mondial de soccer, Angleterre contre Algérie. J'ai essayé de suivre, mais je n'y arrive pas et je retourne à l'ordinateur.Ca fait dix ans que je suis ici, jamais durant ces dix ans dans une nation et sur un continent qui vit à travers le football n'ai-je réussi à regarder un match sans m'emmerder souverainement. Ce qui m'amène donc à ma nouvelle question existentielle:

-Pourquoi est-ce que je n'arrive pas à m'intéresser au football?