Aftermaths of the Twelve Days of Christmas

For those who find Christmastime stressful, or who simply can't stand the famous song, you need to read this parody by John Julius Norwich absolutely. I really mean it. Read it. Now. Enjoy. I read it for the first time in book form in a Waterstone's, I was sadly not smart enough to buy it. It pictures perfectly how Christmas can sometimes be a pain. I always wondered what somebody could have done with all those animals, I mean you can milk the cows (or get them milked for you, as the maids are the gift after all), but what about the rest? You can eat the pears of the tree and the geese's eggs of course and well, you can pluck the partridge and put it in a tourtière, but that would make my wife very angry. And I don't think I could kill a partridge anyway, especially not if it was a gift. Same goes with the rest, so I would have to endure the stupid birds and the cows, the lords, the ladies dancing, the drummers, and the rest.