An actor in the audience?

Yesteday, I learned that a local library (not the one in my town but one nearby) was going to show a reading of The Marriage Proposal by Chekov. They call it The Proposal, sometimes it is called A Marriage Propsal, but anyway the readers who have been following this blog for a while probably noticed that it is the same play I was in not so long ago. So I am of two minds about it: a part of me wants to watch it on stage so to speak, or at least given to a wide audience. I love the play. But because I love this play a lot, a part of me is very jealous that I am not in it. I am petty like this sometimes: I envy other actors a lot, whether they are professionals or amateurs, when I see them on stage. More so when I think I have not quite mastered the play as I wanted to. Yet on the other hand, it would give me a perspective about the play that I cannot have with my own experience. And the public reading is free. So I don't know...

Acting night

It was my last acting lesson last night. We performed Chekov's Marriage Proposal, half reading the lines half playing, it was pretty much a mess but I enjoyed it tremendously. I was worried that I blogged too much about my acting class and in a way I probably did, however I feel like I barely touched the topic. I did not really talk about the physicality of acting, or the strong group spirit that one feels there, or the fun of getting the lines (some of them anyway), or the things I learned. I will do it again next year. The aspiring acting world is my community, maybe the one I feel most close to. We have all decided to get back in touch as early as possible during the new year.

There is a lot to say about it, but as it happens sometimes I feel like I would either be saying too much or too little. So I will just put here a quote from Cicely Berry, which our acting teacher gave us:

"I think one of the greatest fears of the actor is that of not being interesting. This really need never be a fear because everyone is interesting in that he is himself. When you get to the point which says "This is me, it will change, and perhaps improve, but this is me at this moment", then the voice will become open."

Getting out of the cave

This Wednesday, I have no acting class exceptionally, but my partners and I have decided to rehearse The Marriage Proposal anyway this Tuesday. So straight after work tomorrow, I do not rest my feet at home but get on the earliest bus to the nearby town, where we will meet and where I am going to read my lines and try to find my character, hopefully at some point I will eat a sandwich and maybe even relax.

That said, I am not complaining. I know I will be tired, but I know it does good to me. I need time out of the house, I also need time thinking about something else than work. It is always dangerous to get into a clockwork type of life, whether you are employed or not, and to become some kind of urban troglodyte. It has a lot to do about getting a sort of social life, but not only that. Back in 2008, when I was unemployed, I saw barely anything else than the walls of this flat. I used to go to the local pub just to hear a human voice that was not my own. But I also wanted to get out, purely and simply. I can easily live like a monk or an hermit when I need to. Loneliness has its good sides: I used to blog much more when I was alone here all day. I think writers have to learn to be alone and reclusive. But after a while one gets claustrophobic and it is never good to remain reclusive. I need to be out of here and see things and people, feel their presence around me. 

Voice and character

I will try not to blog too much about my acting class, but it makes for good posts and interesting musing. (By the way, remember when I was wondering about finding a muse for bloggers? Well, Thalia is the one with whom I work on these days.) It also matters a lot to me, so I blog more about it. This blog, after all, is called "Vraie Fiction", and there is maybe no form of more genuine fiction than drama. Okay, so I have my character, the pathetic hypochondriac Lomov. With my partners, we read The Marriage Proposal together at the last acting class and more importantly discussed with the teacher about the characters, what they are, what they do every day, what their relationships to each others are, etc.

It is slowly and surely taking shape. I can see Lomov, I can picture him as a person, feel his nervous twitches, his fears, his insecurities, I can understand why he wants to gets married and why he gets side tracked when he is about to propose. This is one of the most exciting moments about acting: when you are finding the character and it is making sense. It is difficult to explain properly. When I was on stage, years ago, I was the character, I was not merely playing it, the character inhabits you. This is what Lomov will do soon, he will be in me. When this happens, I will have succeeded. I can already hear his breathless, nervous voice when I read the lines, soon he will be able to speak through me properly. I find this particularly exhilarating.

Finding my character

Last Wednesday, I got my first role since I started the course. I was looking for a character, I ended up being given one. It is by far the best way to find him. It is my first dramatic role in six years, I am moved. I will be playing in The Marriage Proposal by Chekov. I will play Ivan Vassilievich Lomov, a wealthy but terribly hypochondriac landowner who wants to get married. It is a very funny play and I am quite good at comedies, so I will be in my element. And I love flawed characters, so I will be served with this one. I will have to kiss a girl, which does not make my wife very happy, but my character is no Don Juan: he is sickly (or so he thinks), unable to keep with the plan (the marriage proposal goes horribly wrong because of his own fault), petty, gets in ridiculous arguments and he is overall pretty pathetic. There are lines of conflicts and contradictory motivations in this short play that are simply brilliant.

So now that I have the character, this beautiful, fascinating character, I need to find him a voice. That will be the challenge. I think the teacher gave Lomov to me because she found in me something of him I could develop. I do find hypochondriac characters fascinating, I am glad I have the chance to play one.